Friday, January 2, 2009


This is a little off my usual subjects, however, I feel that I should write this to possibly help someone else should they be going through something similar.
Sidney and I just returned from an 8 hour trip to try to see our middle son, his wife, and their two beautiful children. We hadn't seen them for over two years and that is the way they have wanted it. They had moved and not left any forwarding address. As parents we have tried and tried to locate them only to come up with dead ends....until October, when an unknown person was able to give us an address. I wrote to answer. Sometimes mail gets lost doesn't it? So....Sidney wrote them asking them for a short answer. So, we decided to make the trip.

I had no expectations of what to expect from J or K. Would they be just a little happy that we had made the effort to contact them, or would we be met and told to leave. Unfortunately, the latter was what we faced. Our son met us at our car with anger. He told us in no uncertain terms to go home, have a funeral for them, that they were dead. No amount of talking would change his mind. His wife, along with their two children, stood there saying nothing. K didn't even say hello or goodbye. She stood a distance away with the children and listened as J laid it all out. Anyone could have seen that he was in total control of his family's every move.

The saddest thing of all is how he told us of how happy they are, but their faces and most of all, their eyes spoke of sadness. We were allowed to give the children some small gifts, and were able to give them a kiss upon their heads, and then left.

I came home to research reasons why people would isolate themselves in the way they have, and found that it is a way people who have had alot of stressors in their lives insulate themselves from more hurt. Many people who do this are very educated and have always been searching for answers, but mostly find themselves comfortable if they don't have to be around people. Sometimes they don't feel adequate and feel they don't amount to much.

Both of these people, both J & K are very smart and can do anything they want to do. They believe that God has told them to live like this, even feeling that they are Martyrs. But there is no one torturing them for Christ, they are doing this to themselves. They both have families that would give their lives for them, but they choose to have no contact with anyone from their past lives. No childhood friends, no cousins, no friends from their old youth groups, no brothers, sisters, neices, one. Everyone that knows about this says that they would welcome them with open arms if only the blinders would come off and they could see how much they are loved.

Our prayers will continue. I have buried my son (in a sense) but his memory will always be with me. I will go on with my life and obey God in the way He has instructed me. And until that day that he calls me home, I will remain faithful. If God chooses to bring our son and his wife back into a relationship with us I will be forever grateful. If He doesn't then I will have to trust that He knows what is best for all of us and will continue to Praise Him.

If anyone out there reads this and is going through something similar, I would love to hear from you. Maybe we can encourage each other.